By
Bill Maher
Genetic
scientists have finally mapped the DNA of a primate cousin of the chimpanzee
known as the bonobo. And I just thought you should know that. Actually, the genetically
ingrained personality traits of the bonobo versus those of the chimp may tell
us something about humans and human nature.
You
see, bonobos, chimps and man all shared a common ancestor about six million
years ago – Abe Vigoda. But then, as happens with evolution, man went off on
his own genetic direction and the bonobo and the chimp shared the same common
ancestor up until about a million years ago. Then the Congo River formed and
the ape ancestors on one side of the river evolved differently than the ape
ancestors on the other. Eventually, we got two different species – the
chimpanzee and the bonobo – who share about 99.6% of their genomes. As opposed
to humans, who have about 98.7% of the same genetic blueprint as both bonobos
and chimpanzees. I swear I’m going somewhere with this.
Just
as a common ancestor came to an evolutionary crossroads where two distinct
genetic cousins – the bonobo and chimp – were formed, perhaps man has come to a
genetic crossroads where we’re evolving into two slightly-genetically-different
species: liberal man and conservative man. Only the thing that’s prompting this
split into two separate species isn’t a physical division; it’s a political
one. Our Congo River is American politics.
Consider
this: genetically, the bonobo is the liberal ape. It’s kinder and gentler than
the chimp. Where chimps have been documented to be more prone to violence and
to actually make war, bonobos share food with total strangers and are more
nurturing. The bonobos are also more tolerant and social than chimps and
they’re far more sexual. They are much more likely to release tension through
the act of having sex than the way chimps release tension, by fighting.
Sound
familiar? If these apes could vote, the chimps would be the sexually repressed
balls of angst who want gun rights and a stronger military and the bonobo would
be all for welfare spending and teaching sex-ed in schools. Only they couldn’t
do that condom demonstration because they’d keep eating the banana.
Is
the gulf becoming too wide? Are liberals and conservatives evolving into two separate,
distinct types of humans?
